Monstera Deliciosa & Dwarf Lady Banana

A garlic buyer from New York City once said my glass room looked like the “Little Shop of Horrors.” I don’t think he meant it as a compliment. He was an odd sort—wore a lavender cravat and referred to my hairdo as the “latest incarnation of cotton candy.” But, there is some truth to what he said. That staghorn fern in front of you is bigger than most children, and the Monstera deliciosa in the corner is as tall and wide as Chevy Suburban. In the middle of those finger-like leaves a lovely fruit will form in autumn. It tastes like a dish of pineapple custard. So divine! I admit that I have created a jungle here in the midst of the Wisconsin. 

I’ve gone through four husbands and lived in four climates in the process. And, I refuse to leave behind the South, which is my soul. I take it with me in pots. Though, I tell you, Georgio, just about did me and my beauties in. He had such a temper. He was Italian, you know…and he’d start throwing pots and plants everywhere when he got mad. You can get banana plants to fruit in Alaska, darlin’, and tomatoes to ripen in the middle of a Minnesota winter by planting in containers. Even if you live on Rue Royale above a New Orleans voodoo parlor, with only a bitty balcony, a garden is possible with pots. 

My third husband Georgio had ruby camellias and trailing blue lobelia in urns that flanked window boxes full of pink bougainvillea and purple verbena on his balcony. It looked nearly as luscious as he, with all those flowers cascading over the railing. Frankly, I wish his voodoo queen landlady had welded him to the wrought iron, instead of those window boxes. It would have saved me a fortune on the property settlement. 

Edibles flourish in containers, too. Herb plants packed into a clay strawberry jar are an appreciated addition to the kitchen doorstep for any cook. Or how about plucking a Bearss lime from your own tubbed tree to garnish a margarita?

Garden Babies Butterhead Lettuce

Windowsill salad gardens take up little space and offer the extravagance of freshly-picked delicacies such as Garden Babies Butterhead and Outredgeous lettuce or colorful mesclun mixes. Little luxuries like a well-composed salad are so important when you are trying to hold on to the shreds of your life. I know my daily salad is about all that got me through the lean times after it cost me more than a million dollars to get rid of Georgio. This was after that two-timing switch-hitter went through most of the money my poor Bobby Joe left to me after he died. Of course, he didn’t mean to leave it to me. He hadn’t gotten around to changing his will after the divorce. 

In the 15 years I was married to Bobby Joe Bellencamp, I picked up numerous secrets from talented gardeners in who lived in the mud flats of the Delta where my second husband drilled for oil. For instance, did you know that if you leave a rose outside to catch the dew at night and collect it in the morning, you could use the water to scent your sheets? Maggie, an old-fashioned rose, and hybrid tea roses with strong perfumes like Mirandy and Oklahoma are perfect for making rosewater.